Dirty Bones are a cool joint, cannot take that away from them. Having been to their restaurant in Carnaby Street in London I can recall a pretty great burger with a fun, busy, night-life style atmosphere. Personally I have overlooked their classic burger as a DIY kit because I have just been more inclined to the crazy topping style kits on sale. I have to admit that I wasn’t extremely excited about this DIY, a little simple….. but
The Bun: 17/20
Dirty Bones have a seeded brioche bun in this DIY kit. I have to admit that when I felt the bun I was not too impressed, they felt a little tough and when cut, they were not fluffy in the middle. I was, in fact, dreading serving the burger to the wife as I know she hates a ‘bready’ bun. We were given a pleasant surprise, no thanks to the instructions, but having experience toasting the buns with some butter in a pan it worked a treat! They were light, fluffy and were a lovely brioche just added with the seeds. My only complaint with the buns, I found them to be a little small, along with the patties, but we will go into this later!
The Toppings: 6/10
It is really pretty hard to score in this category given as the only toppings were onions and gherkin, classic mix! To be fair though, the gherkin was decent, had a lovely sweet pickle to it and was a winner by my book. The annoying thing was trying to cut this small gherkin thin enough to cover 4 burgers, that was no easy trick. I felt like the scene in Goodfellas when they are in prison cutting garlic with a razor blade and with my big fingers this was no easy trick. Needless to say one burger did come out with an out of shape gherkin on top looking like a kids skateboard park nobbly at one end, thin then a slope up the other side!
The cooking instructions on the onions were to melt the cheese over the top during the fry of the patties and then save some fresh to go in the top of the stack. Interestingly the ones that had the cheese melted tasted good, Slightly soft, good flavour and added something to the burger. The fresh onions in the top of the stack did nothing for the burger other than ruin the balance. They were overpowering and added crunch to the bite that just was not satisfying. The textural balance was amiss because of the fresh onions but also the flavour, without some sort of smokiness, turned the bite into a little too flowery, for want of a better phrase.
The Condiments: 9/10
The burger relish is literally called “Relish” and, for me, not enough of a fuss is being made on the DIY kit about the dynamic this adds to the stack. I thought this relish was really, really good. My wife does not really like too much sauce so I skimped on her burger and added to mine. She was asking why she had not been given enough of the relish that definitely solidified my thoughts that “wow, this is real good”! I found it to be sweet, with an ever so slight hint of spice and smooth and satisfying to the pallet without taking away from the flavour of the beef. A silent partner if you will. The relish added to the flavour balance without taking a spotlight so if you like the flavour of meat and cheese this is definitely a DIY kit for you.
The Cheese: 19/20
This has to be one of the best American Cheeses I have tasted. It was smooth, colourful and had that flavour that dominated this burger stack. I remember having the MacDaddy burger and the American Cheese was completely redundant. I am pretty certain this is the same cheese! My only explanation for this is that the macaroni completely stole the show from that burger because this cheese tasted excellent in a performance that showed a brilliant melt under the hood and a flavour that is up there with the best.
The Patty: 13/20
Each burger comes with two thin patties that are cooked for 3/4 mins per side and then one stacked with onion and cheese in the cook and the other stacked with onion and gherkin in the build. I found the patties to taste amazing for the first couple of bites. They were cooked just above medium on the 3 minute cook and for me, that is a little too well done. The next day I cooked for 2min 30s per side and set a rest of a minute or two before eating. Both cooks resulted in the same result. The meat tasted great with a good crisping on the outside but the meat inside just tightening up second by second. This could be explained, perhaps, by a course grind being adopted by dirty bones, but that is a question for Dirty Bones. Ultimately the result was fair tasting patties that had you questioning did I need more salt, did I overcook, or are they just average patties made from average meat?
The Taste: 15/20
I liked the burger that is for sure. The Classic Burger tasted like the type of thing I would love to go and grab at a lunch break in London to get an instantly satisfying burger down the hatchet. The meat was ok, the cheese was amazing and the balance of the burger, overall, was good just let down incrementally by onions that were probably too fresh and crispy for my pallet. Dirty Bones scored pretty highly, but you should check out some of the big guns on our Hit List here
Our Verdict: 79/100
I do like Dirty Bones and I believe there another couple of points easily scored in this stack. The onions maybe should be softened a little by instruction, the meat could be a little better but overall this is a good burger. I would definitely like to try this in the restaurant but as DIY kits go, this is an easy, basic, good tasting burger to add to any weekend home cook! If you want to check out Dirty Bones website click here
