To be clear, I am an introvert at heart. The thought of milling through a busy market on a Saturday to peruse extremely expensive food stalls is alien to me. However, knowing that I should get out and do something with my wife and child swung this decision. If we took the early 9 am train into London, I could conduct a fair and contextual Borough Market review. I thought we would be free of the stampede of thousands of Saturday market-goers. I thought millennials woke up around midday and got to drinking their beers a few hours later. Turns out, I was wrong. So stay with me as I delve into the ambiance, culinary options, and environment of England’s acclaimed Borough Market.
Choosing Borough Market on a Saturday
To be fair to myself, I am hardly one of the types who enjoys crowds of people. The proximity of others and being a massive wall of a man is a little overwhelming. I didn’t expect to see so many people there at ten in the morning on a Saturday, but I was wrong. It was packed, absolutely packed. Many a time, I thought I had lost my five-year-old, but luckily, I was able to hold on to him by his hood for safekeeping. One observation for those taking kids is that it gets busier throughout the early afternoon. I genuinely felt my son was unsafe at times as people pushed and barged through the pathways of the market. It was an oversight on my part and probably not the place to bring children, but hey, you live and learn.
When thinking about how to write a review on Borough Market, I considered the importance of mentioning the environment. Even more complex, the environment changes given the type of people around. One thing is certain: other than the tourists and YouTubers (we will get into that), there is a fraternity of regulars there. You know when you turn up in a pub in a small area for the first time, and the music stops when you walk in. That’s how it felt when we sat in certain parts of the market, especially near The Black Pig. That small square where the seating is adjacent to the Black Pig felt entitled. Maybe it was my grey hair not fitting in with the Indie crowd. I don’t know; it was strange that my son was being peered on as if he shouldn’t be there. Maybe they were right; he was probably a little small for being in such a busy place.
Borough Market Review: The Food Instagram Told Us About
It seems that something else is trending on social media at Borough Market every few weeks. It was The Black Pig that stole the show. The queue looked like something from Thorpe Park on a summer holiday day. I had made a strategy with my wife about the day’s game plan. Agree on a stall, buy an item we both want to try and share. Not that we wanted to be cheap, but listen, Borough Market is expensive, and we still have bills to pay! Overspending would be a kick in the teeth, especially if we didn’t like something. Still, a Borough Market review was always going to cost a bit.
Anyway, The Best One is a sandwich by The Black Pig that seemed to be driving a lot of attention. As a middle-aged BBQ-er I could see the steaming pork shoulder being plunged into sandwiches and decided to queue. I have seen enough YouTube videos of American BBQ joints with pork butt sandwiches to make my mouth water. Despite the guy getting my name completely wrong, I still managed to grab my sandwich within fifteen minutes of waiting. The Instagram account looked like it served up some serious sandwiches, so I was excited. Unfortunately, the star of the sandwich was the slaw. The meat lacked any depth in flavour and was entirely outshone by a formidable slaw with the most flavour. What should have been a deep smoked meat was bland, albeit well-cooked. The first meal of the day was disappointing £12.50 in the hole. The first lesson of the day was, don’t get sold by Borough Market reviews on YouTube and Instagram. In comparison with something like Poor Boys, there is no competition.
Aha, before I forget, on to YouTube! While waiting for The Black Pig to shunt out my bland sandwich for me to enjoy like a vegan (enjoying the salad), a YouTuber was next to me. I am a middle-aged man who, now and then, has to snap a family photo. My awkward smile (reminiscent of Chandler in the photo booth, if you know, you know) just about gets through those. The thought of talking to the camera in front of hundreds of people while a friend angles around the crowd with a camera is terrifying to me. Yet, that is what happened yesterday. This dude spoke to the camera as if addressing an office seminar. The comfort of people these days still surprises me, and it further elucidates how out of touch I am with social media.
There are cameras and video equipment on virtually every corner of Borough Market. If someone had told me, I would have gotten my hair done and worn a pink River Island blazer (ask Carlo. He knows. Personal joke, sorry guys). Nonetheless, we are in the digital era, and I accept it; I wish I could grab some food and didn’t have to watch for my mug on someone’s channel the next day. Accept that if you go to Borough Market on a Saturday, you will be an extra in someone’s video.
Borough Market Review: Foodie Do’s and Don’ts
Maybe one day, I will write a comprehensive report on every stall at Borough Market. Well, that is if a local business decides to sponsor me £5000 to try everything there. If not, you guys will have to wait until I can get down alone, without a little man having to look up and see a canopy of kneecaps. But some places looked terrific. One of these places was the macaroni cheese joint next to The Black Pig. The Bath Dairy looked like it would be one of those moments when you found a gem. The boards on the side of the stall talked about their cheese being farmed from their own cows. I have to admit I was excited and expected an explosion of rich cheesiness and soft pasta. As it happened, it was one of the worst investments of the day. I spent £9.00 on mac & cheese and expected to blow the lid off Borough Market. Honestly, I think the packet mac & cheese you buy in Iceland would be richer in flavour than this thing. It was so bad I didn’t even take a picture. I ate one forkful, as did my wife, and then it was thrown in the bin. Don’t go there, please.
The Hidden Gem Borough Market Review
Where there are queues, there are expectations. But sometimes, there is one place attracting no queues whatsoever, and, as such, everyone stays away from it. The same can be said about the quiet Asian food stall next to the mac and cheese joint. Embarrassingly, if I had not just thrown £9.00 in the bin,, I doubt I would have risked it. But the menu said beef rendang, and it grabbed my attention. I know a little about rendang-style cooking from my days believing I was a chef (during COVID). But, I never quite managed to produce what I had seen on various cooking videos on YouTube. The rendang is a slow-cooked beef curry that is reduced into the meat, meaning a drier curry but insanely rich meat. I have seen it done but not tasted it done. Picture me, in that moment, seeing something that has itched me for some five years. The halo and angel music moment dawned on me as I approached.
You will have to excuse my picture. I wanted to take one in all its glory, but the intrigue forced me to forget the process. This beef rendang has to be one of the most insanely flavourful dishes I have ever eaten. It was by far the best thing I ate the whole day. It is difficult to explain the complexity of flavour in the rendang. There are layers and layers of flavour that interacts so well with white rice and the salad. The coconut comes through at the end of each bite without being a key feature. The skill involved in making something so complex taste so well-balanced should be applauded. If I was to have spent the day at Borough Market, I would have had two or three rounds of this rendang.
Who is Borough Market for?
I can imagine that Saturday is one of Borough Market’s busiest days and probably not ideal for families. But the vibe is nice if you like that type of thing. It may not be for you if you are an introverted middle-aged man like myself. For groups of friends heading to Borough Market, you will have a world of fun and a whole lot of food. Having to work most of my waking hours and wanting to spend time with my family outside of those hours is not for me. The constant alerts of phone theft rife in the area on the tannoys at the market keep you somewhat aware. For me, you may as well ring a fire alarm loud as hell. I heard those words from the Tannoy and held onto my devices like a cliff edge. I have watched way too many Telegram channels with dudes having phones snatched by hooded kids to be told these things.
Be careful if you are heading in. Borough Market reviews won’t tell you that a wrong turn could have you walking into the estates in Elephant & Castle. In this case, you may want to put your phone inside your boxer shorts as you will probably lose it after 5 pm anyway. London is a chasm of beauty followed by darkness, and there is a real and imminent threat of not getting your bearings and navigation.
