Luxxo Burger’s – Hulk Burger

Luxxo Burger in Tolworth is a place that I have driven past multiple times and have taken no interest in. Since the inception of Salt Bae’s London restaurant and the hype surrounding edible gold-coated meat, I have been a little more susceptible to more “exotic” creation burgers. Luxxo has been publicised as a restaurant that also has their own Gold Burger and so I thought, maybe it is time, to give one of these a go. When I saw the price tag of £135 I then opted for something a little more pocket-friendly in their Green Hulk Burger. Read on to see how it went.

What we have in store

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The Bun: 4/20

I thought the gold wrapping was a little much I must admit, however, I was quite excited to see this green bun from Luxxo. To be quite honest, I saw the bun and I cannot say I was impressed. It looked like something that only a child would create in a nursery and did not impress visually. The colour looked a little odd, a kind of electric green that a friend summed up in saying “You are going to have a radioactive dump tomorrow”. As for the flavor, it had none, bland. The texture was probably the worst feature of this bun, it was horrendous. It resembled something, I can only describe, like play-doh. If I never saw one of these buns again I would be a happy man. My instant regret was only matched by my wife’s disappointment in me that I was actually going to eat it; the things we do for work hey!

The Toppings: 8/10

One of the nice things about Luxxo is their ‘Five Guys-style’ order process where you pretty much create your own burger. I opted for Cheese, Gherkin Pickles, Jalapenos, Red Onions, and Turkey Rashers. The gherkin pickles were tasty, really nice. The jalapenos were good and strong which I really like. The red onions were fresh and I could taste the bittersweet with each bite, good job. The turkey bacon was non-existent, I didn’t taste a thing so I am not sure whether or not they had used a smoked rasher or not. Overall I thought the toppings were pretty good.

The Condiments: 7/10

Again, you have your choice of sauces and the Burger Sauce mixed with Chipotle sounded like an absolute no-brainer for me, two of my favourite sauces combined. As it goes, they were a little better than okay. I could taste that they were cheap, not of any real quality but probably bought at a cash and carry somewhere in London. The sauce mix was probably another saving grace of the Hulk Burger, if not a star of the show.

The Cheese: 4/20

I feel really bad writing this review but, again, another largely disappointing category for the Luxxo Burger. The cheese looked the part, at least from one side as the other sides of the stack had nothing but meat and toppings. The cheese was well melted but was a tasteless addition to an, already struggling for points, stack. The texture was pretty good and did make a difference to the bite of the burger on one side but the taste was just an empty experience. Leading up to Christmas and making sure I fit in the Christmas jumper I really didn’t need to be eating tasteless calories!

The Patty: 2/20

I opted for a double patty on the order, hoping for something meaty and well seared as I like my patties. I received two pieces of meat that I can only describe as the worst burger patties I have ever tasted. They were grey in appearance, had no sear marks, and had zero flavour. The strangest paradox is that the flavourless meat still managed to counterbalance the strong sauces with its blandness. The patties were so bad that, in all honesty, I probably shouldn’t have continued eating the burger. I am unsure how they cook their burgers at Luxxo but I have a few theories as to why the burgers could be given to a paying customer in this fashion. They are either microwaved meat that just died a long time ago. Or, they were part cooked and then finished on the grill. Last and not least, they are frozen patties that are cooked on the grill later. Either way, I would not want to ever eat meat this colour again for fears that my ageing body may well reject the meal!

The Taste: 5/20

Unfortunately, the blandness of the burger was irreparable despite the best efforts of a half-decent sauce mix and pretty good toppings. The meat was a killer for me, actually made me feel unsafe to be eating it and the consistency of the bun was only matched in its ugliness in colour. The taste overall was bad.

Our Verdict: 32/100

It feels wrong to have to write a review with scoring like this but we need to be honest. This is one of the worst burgers I have ever eaten, and unfortunately, it is being documented for others to read. The fundamental components of a good burger were ignored and the result was an offering that, for me, was teetering on the edge of safety. The bun is something brave and fun, I get it, but is a complete fail. The meat is something that cannot be ignored. On a normal day, I would have declined to eat such meat and, probably should have on this day. Luckily I did not get any stomach problems from eating the burger but it is definitely safe to say that I would not be eating from Luxxo again. The inability to provide a paying customer with a fresh burger is not acceptable and, if that meat was fresh, then I would like to see the farm it came from! An epic fail from Luxxo which heads right down to the foot of the Hit List and one to avoid if you can.